I'm tired of being anonymous

by - June 29, 2018

Currently recovering from one of the emotionally exhausting 2 months of my life. I guess I'm very much the epitome of a person filled with self doubt, and pretty much anxiety towards not being pretty enough, smart enough, good enough, but then again I don't think I'm the sole person in this universe who has felt this way, though I'm still working up in decreasing my recovery and response time from these low of lows in my life.

I recently was considering of going back into filming videos for YouTube. I never done it professionally, but as re-immersed myself into the platform, it seemed it has been taken over of people that I don't even know anymore, the quality of videos have improved and even celebrities have decided to take on "vlogging". Albeit, the main purpose isn't to compete with these people, but to at least create content that will at least reach a reasonable amount of demographic. I want to reach people and tell them that it's okay to be a fuck-up, and more so, the accountability for myself. 

When I was younger, rewind 8 years ago, I wasn't as hesitant on posting my thoughts online. I think it definitely comes with age, but I feel as if for the most part, I have been hiding too much from the world. I feel as if I have not been where I expected to see myself 8 years ago, and it's slowly eating me up, and every time I do feel good and have accomplishments in my life, at the back of my mind I feel as if they're worthless compared to what others have already achieved. And I know, if I was my friend, I would definitely be telling me the same thoughts that are running to your mind right now.
Things a long "Life is not a race, it's a journey." , "Stop comparing yourself to others, otherwise you will never be happy.", and many other quotes you want to throw my way. But maybe, behind your prejudice and immediate response of nursing me through my woes, take a moment and put yourself in my shoes. It was as if the struggles were being prolonged, and the suffering gets a bit harder ever single time. 

But this not a pity party. Far from that. I digressed far from what I was intending to say. I guess I still do plan on creating a platform to showcase all my fuck ups, maybe, someone somewhere could have a bit of ease, from me sharing this, and I hope that in the end I do end up feeling successful. 

Given my schedule, I don't think I would have the time to edit and film videos, but I'm resorting to my favorite medium of delivery, writing. I don't think I'll be sharing these links on my social media for now, but this is a start of something. 

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